Commission: Tales from the Dark Side of the Mirror:
I (Don't) Care
Commissioned by and idea by Grimwolf001
Ugh...I can't believe Pinkamena replaced all our food again. She never thinks things through at all. Oh well, nothing I can do about it I guess. Might as well just eat it, except the spinach. Huh? Oh, Angel just grabbed that. Let him have it.
Huh, Rainbow Crash isn't on the roof. She better not get in trouble again, I'm running out of ways to charm people into leaving her alone.
Who am I? Let me guess, know somepony who wants to ask me out? What? I know I have a pretty face, why not use it? It makes life so much easier. Well if you don't want a date, what do you want? Just to hear about me? Your waste of time.
I'm Fluttershy. What? You want to know more? Ugh, fine, I don't have anything better to do anyway.
I'm an animal expert. Yes, I know Canterlot doesn't have a lot of animals, why do you think I moved here? It'd be too much work anywhere else.
Lazy? I'm not lazy. That's Applejack. I just don't think it'd be worth the effort. Why should I bother doing anything when you don't get anything back? If ponies give me what I want when I look and talk at them right, what's the point in trying to do anything else? It's worked for me so far.
Anyway, guess it's my turn to check the mail. How do we get our mail when we have wanted posters? Simple: we all have fake names. Even Applejack, or 'Blackjack' as she probably wishes everypony called her. Never anything but junk mail and letters from AJ's grandma who somehow tracks down every single alias ever made. I wonder how long it'll take to her to realize she's wasting her time. Applejack hates her, simple as that. It'd be better for her to just give up and move on. If she wants a pampered little flower, I'd be happy to oblige, not that she ever asks. I never understood why Applejack would rather be a two-bit crook instead of living in the lap of luxury.
Yep, just like I thought junk mail, junk mail, letters from Granny Smith. Oh, some science magazine of Twilight's. Don't care. Ugh, no, “The City of Canterlot,” I don't care about some bear in Canterlot Park. Not sure why you care either, shouldn't you be dealing with the two evil Princesses trying to kill us all every day? That's why you've been ignoring us. Besides, I've got enough stuff to last me for now...
I'll just throw this somewhere. What else did we get? Well, here's the newspaper-Hey!
Little Miss Science snatched it right out of the mailbox. I just glare at her.
“Sorry, Fluttershy, I need to check the science sections,” Twilight replied.
“Whatever....” I muttered and headed back into the house. It's the house's paper anyway. Worst that could happen would be Pinkamena cutting out any of the comics she thought were too fun or promoted bad habits or whatever. I was just going to look at the sells section and see if there was anything worth the effort to sweet talk the bits to buy out of some stallion or one of the others. It rarely was.
Twilight snagged my tail with her telekinesis. You know for a girl so focused on science and stuff, she sure does like to use her magic.
“What the...how? That...Fluttershy! House-meeting! Now!”
House meetings were typical dull. Most of the time Pinkamena spent half of them going on about health. Twilight tried to impress us with some science experiment. Applejack would tell us what half-baked scheme she had cooked up. Rainbow Crash either saying how she messed up or what she had planned to mess up that day. Rarity and I just set in the back. I like the marshmallow, she knows what she wants and doesn't care what anypony else thinks. Just like me. I just prefer getting attention with a pretty face rather than a tacky Hearth's Warming sweater. And she makes a great distraction and loves being one.
Rainbow Crash sticks next to me like glue as always. Wait...
“Rainbow, what happened to your eye?”
“Oh...I got someponies mad at me...” she replied, covering her black eye. “I deserved it.”
“Do I need to do some talking to get them off your flank?”
“Nah, somepony took care of it...thanks, though.”
Well, that saves me some trouble. Why cover for her? So we don't have somepony coming to the club house to beat up Rainbow Crash. That's all. Anyway, better see what's going on.
“'Evil Princesses Turn Over a New Leaf?!'” Applejack yelled, looking the newspaper.
Yeah, just what I thought, something pointless...Wait what? What?!
Seriously, what the Tartarus?! You already heard about the Princesses and King Sombra?! And you didn't bucking think to tell us that earlier?! UGH! Are we the last ponies to find out the Princesses supposedly turned good and Sombra's a bad guy now?! You'd think it'd be pretty hard to miss that! Especially when there was apparently some big battle or something!
Apparently Lord Scorpan is back to rotting in Tartarus, due to another huge fight we never bucking heard of! When did we suddenly live under a bucking rock?! Oh, and Rainbow Crash caused some wild storm, but that actually makes sense.
Ugh, great, just great, now the two biggest threats in the entire world are gone. The guard will have time to pay attention to little nuisances like us. Or the Princesses are still plotting to kill us all and just pretending to be good. Probably both, and now I can't use those forged letters I made with King Sombra's signature anymore.
Pinkamena being Pinkamena decides it'd be a good idea to go to a party were both of them are going to be and tell them how evil cake is. I didn't hesitate to tell her how brilliant an idea she had.
“Hey, genius, you do realize if they are still “evil,” they're probably going to kill you for questioning them, right? Kind of hard to be healthy when you're dead you know.”
Mean? No, I'm honest, there's a difference.
She just ignored me and went to get her stupid pamphlets. Though I admit, I'm tempted to go try some cake, haven't had anything sweet in years...Twilight just left to go get ready.
“Um...everypony...” Rarity interrupted, looking a bit confused for some reason. “Rainbow Crash was right...there is a picture of us fighting the Princesses...”
Seriously, missing some big battle at the Princesses' Castle is one thing, but how did we miss the six of us saving the world?! Twilight, what did you do?!
“Did Twilight try to clone us again?” Rainbow Crash asked. Yes, the egghead had made an attempt to clone us. It worked about as well as a lot of her experiments.
“I do not believe so...” Rarity said, all four of us checking ourselves over to see if we were missing anything. When you live with Twilight, you tend to keep an eye on your body.
“Oh! Here it is! It says they're from that other world the Elements came from!” said Rainbow Crash.
Huh, look at that, she's right.
“Applejack, did Pinkamena throw out the cider again?” I asked AJ.
“You sure we didn't drink it all?”
“I wish, dear...I mean...Ah sure wish! It'd explain a lot...”
“Are you dreaming?” Rainbow suggested.
“OW!” Applejack punched me in the front leg.
“Ouch!” she yelled as I hit her in the front leg at the same time. What?
“Well, we ain't sleepin'...”
“Oh...am I sleeping?”
No, we didn't punch Rainbow Crash. That'd be like kicking a sad puppy. Besides, she gets abused enough in her nightmares that it wouldn't matter.
“Ow!” so she just bit herself... “No, I'm awake...”
“Well Ah don't know about you, but Ah think the alternate versions of us part is just a buncha horseapples,” Applejack interjected with a chuckle. “Ah mean seriously, meh as a good girl? As if! Not even in another world!”
I gave a chuckle myself. “Yeah, I mean me doing something for another world? As if!”
“...I don't think being that me would be that bad...” Rainbow muttered.
Okay, to be fair, anything's an improvement for her.
Rarity looked at herself. “...Well, I'd certainly get attention...”
Before this unbelievably weird conversation could continue, there was a knock on the door. Wait, who would knock on our door?
Oh, it's Starlight Glimmer. Wait, what?!
Starlight Glimmer is standing at our door. Why is she standing at our bucking door?!
Applejack put on that tough girl act she liked doing. “Ah can't believe it! Starlight Glimmer came to capture meh!”
Of course the knucklehead would want to get arrested, she always did.
Starlight blinked. “Oh! No, don't be silly you haven't done anything wrong that I know of...”
“What? Well...Ah stole an apple.”
“The Apple Family's store!” I hope she's not as proud of that as she's trying to convince us she is.
“...Technically it's from you family store, so I don't think that counts.”
“And besides, stealing an apple isn't exactly arrest worthy. At worst you'd get a fine.”
Okay, if she's not here to arrest Applejack (big shocker) why is she here?!
“Hi, Starlight!” called Rainbow, flying over. Of course.
“Rainbow Crash, you brought Starlight Glimmer here?!” I asked. “Why?!”
“Don't blame her,” Starlight replied. “She's under protective custody.”
“...Let me guess, that wild storm?” I asked.
“Yeah...” Rainbow replied, looking down. “Some ponies got mad at me and Starlight saved me...and kind of offered to help me a bit...”
“Ah,” I muttered. “You know you're a moron, right?”
Rainbow Crash whimpered but come on! Even Applejack knows better than to lead somepony right to our clubhouse! She could've told her to meet her something else, but no! She just had to be honest! There's being like a whipped puppy, and then there's just doing something dumb!
Starlight Glimmer cleared her throat, reminding us we weren't alone. “I already knew where Rainbow Crash lived already; Miss Gilda told me.”
Looks like the bird can't keep from squawking after all.
“...So you're not here to arrest us all?” Applejack asked again.
“No...unless you do something stupid,” Starlight replied, giving us a glare. Don't tempt fate.
“Then Applejack should just go to her room,” I said bluntly. It was true, knowing her she was probably going to try to attack her wanting to get arrested. Where's Rarity? I need somepony else who's sane! Oh, right, she probably went to change her outfit to something more shocking with an important pony around.
Starlight looked at me, and her eyes glowed weird. “Hmm...An animal expert, correct?”
“Yes...You have a spell that let's you know that?”
“Yes, I do.”
“...That's creepy,” I muttered.
“You know, if you're as rude and confrontational with animals as you are with your friends here, you'd probably be a lot better at your talent if you tried being kind. Most Animals respond better to a mixture of kindness and aggression, not just one or the other. That may earn you respect from them, but that's all you'll have. While it is a needed skill to get animals to see you as their alpha, not all animals respond well to it.”
I snarled. “Oh and what do YOU know about MY talent?!” I scoffed, rolling my eyes, then remembered something; I was talking to somepony who could tie me into a pony pretzel with her mind if she felt like it. Open mouth, insert hoof.
“Tell me, Miss...Fluttershy, correct? Have you ever tried that rude behavior on an animal who's default response to aggression is to use a defensive mechanism? Like a skunk for example?”
Applejack practically falls on her back laughing. NO MY FACE ISN'T RED!
“Oh yeah, she did! Remember Fluttershy?!”
“I...well...” No, I'm not hiding behind my mane!
There was a skunk under the club house, I tried to get it out of there in exchange for Twilight buying me a game I wanted it, it sprayed me because I apparently offended it somehow. That's all there is to it. It just ended up causing me a lot of grief until Pinkamena gave up the tomatoes to clean me off. And Applejack just doesn't like to let that die.
“Those good looks of yours didn't do yah much good when ponies were too busy coverin' their noses tah look to it, huh?!” The stupid two-bit crook said, putting a hoof over her nose.
Rainbow Crash put a hoof on my shoulder. “I didn't laugh at you, Fluttershy...”
“And I'm assuming you tried just to order it into leaving?” our stupid interloper asked. “Skunks tend to respond to aggression by becoming defensive. Compassion would've done you much better dealing with something that isn't afraid of bears.”
“Well, I've got to go get a bear out of the central park, I don't have time to listen to this,” I replied, showing the letter and leaving. I could care less if Applejack got herself arrested! Let her! At least now this stupid pointless job actually serves the purpose of giving me an excuse to get the buck out of there!
Rainbow Crash? Let Starlight Glimmer try if she wants to.
Ugh, she just didn't get me, you know. I know I could be a better animal expert, I just don't think it's worth it. I mean I only do half the jobs I get, so why do I need to be that much effort into it? Just enough to get paid is all I need to do. Normally, if a stallion hires me, I charm them a bit.
Why is there a bear even there for me? Simple, running from the evil Princesses, of course, duh. Why else would a wild animal go into one of the most populated places in Equestria? Ugh, and there's another way this stupid mess with them is going to make my life harder. Like it needed to be.
What do I mean? Well for starters my hometown got destroyed, is that hard enough for you? I guess you want to know more? Fine, whatever!
You know about Spitfire, right? Thought so. Well before she was all of Equestria's problem, she was ours. Mine, Rainbow's, and Gilda's. If you've seen Rainbow Crash, you can guess what that was like. Rainbow was her favorite victim, but she targeted me and Gilda too. Why do you think I hang out with Rainbow in the first place? Birds of a feather stick together.
I was the lucky one, though. Spitfire only targeted ponies who flew well, and I only passed flight school thanks to a teacher deciding to have a bit of pity on me. Oh, I still got picked on for that, just not by Spitfire, just the jocks who were afraid of her. Gilda didn't know when to shut her beak and was lucky she didn't get it broken. Don't know why she kept trying. Never did any good. Never made her stop, so why keep trying? At least she finally wised up and stopped calling Rainbow by her real name around Spitfire. Huh? Oh, you thought Rainbow Crash was her actual name? I'd laugh if it were funny. I'd tell you her real one, but trust me, you'd be doing her more harm than good calling her it.
Did I do a thing?...No way. Don't look at me like that! What good would it have done exactly? You think she'd have backed down just because it was two on one?...That one more pony would've meant anything?...That somehow Rainbow Crash wouldn't be the wreck she is if I'd just done something?...As if...it'd just have gotten me on Spitfire's hate list too.
Anyway, during the mess that was growing up, I did find something out one thing. When you've got a pretty face, colts tend to be a lot more generous and helpful. And thankfully for me, I've got quite the pretty one. Sure, they only cared about my looks, but that was better than being 'just' a weak flier. And if Spitfire could get away with the horseapples she pulled, why should I care who I got to help me out? All I needed to do was make sure too not do to good so Spitfire didn't feel I was challenging her territory, easy enough to do. Worked like a charm and I was doing pretty well for myself there, and barely had to lift a hoof. Of course then Spitfire went nuts and helped Celestia blow up Cloudsdale and all of that went bye-bye. Had to start all over from scratch. Decided never to build up anything too big just in case things gets annihilated again. Just never saw the point in it.
That's as close to a “backstory” as I have. Are you satisfied now? We're here anyway.
“Hello, you must be Miss Fluttershy?” asked...wait, what?! And I know I'm saying that a lot but today seems dedicated to being crazy! Sir Discord was waiting for me! You know, a guy who got knighted by King Sombra himself?!
First Starlight Glimmer, now Sir Discord, what's next, Captain Goodguy?! What? No! He's not Sir Discord! Sir Discord wears glasses, Goodguy doesn't; and what knucklehead takes off the thing they need to see to fight crime?! He couldn't see! Besides, why would somepony like Captain Goodguy pretend to be a regular guy without superpowers? I know I wouldn't.
“Um, Miss Fluttershy?”
“...Uh...hi...you're the one who sent the letter?”
He nodded, giving a smile. “Why yes, you see as I said, there's this bear causing trouble in Central Park. The darn thing just doesn't want to go,” he explained, sipping a glass of chocolate milk. “We need to get them out so the Centaurs can start revitalizing the trees. And Miss Gilda speaks of you all the time, so I decided to call you in.”
Gilda...suggested me? Ugh, what's the bird want? Back to my currently weird life, Discord offered me a glass of chocolate milk. I took it, free milk, never turn down anything free.
“Huh, this is sweet for once...”
“Yes, Captain Goodguy took the opportunity to start using his powers for the restoration of sweets. He has quite the sweet tooth you know.”
“Can't say I argue with that...” Darn it, now I'm going to have to find a way to hide sweets I get so Pinkamena doesn't throw them out. “So...what's in it for me exactly.”
“Well, the standard commission price and I was thinking perhaps I treat you for dinner if you do a good job.”
“Dinner? Not that I'm complaining, but why?” Then again, maybe he just thinks I'm pretty. I toss my mane just to be on the safe side.
“Just felt like a nice thing to do. I am calling you all the way out here after all. And you do remind me of somepony I know.”
Sir Discord is paying for my dinner? Not arguing with that. Especially when the best I expected out of this was an excuse to get away from the house for awhile.
“Sounds fine to me. My roommate just threw out all our good food because it was 'unhealthy.'”
“Fair enough, now if you excuse me, I've got a party to go to, I'll meet you here shortly, okay, my good mare?”
“Sure, I think I can wait...” Not like I have anything better to do.
“Good, I will see you then.” He then got on a weird mini scooter thing and headed off. Weirdo. But he's a famous weirdo.
Well, I guess this whole thing wasn't a total loss. Shouldn't have to do anything for a few weeks and can get a good meal that isn't just health food. And I know just how to run out the clock.
“And now I'm going to have to jump through so many more hoops not funny! You know what I mean?”
The bear gave a growl and nod, laying at the side of the tree he'd been in since I got here. The tree was the same as every one in the surrounding area, dead, but Mr. Bear didn't care.
Why did I become an animal expert? Simple! Because they'll listen. When I need to complain about something without getting snarky one-liners or anything like that thrown in my face, I can rely on animals for that. They don't care how I live my life; they don't try to change me. And they don't insult me. They just listen.
“Um, Miss Fluttershy.”
Mr. Bear roared at the Centaur that interrupted us. Good bear! “What?”
Huh, you know he's surprisingly calm for a guy having a bear growling at him. Then again, Centaur, I guess.
“We need to begin the mana restoration. Please do your duty.”
Besides, it's almost time for Sir Discord to come back.
“Okay, Mr. Bear, the ponies, and centaurs, are trying to get you out of here, so it'd be for the best if you just leave.”
He roars at me, predictable. “Hey! Don't shoot the messenger, I'm just doing my job. They, on the other hoof, will shoot you with some tranquilizer darts if you don't get out of here. And that wouldn't be good for anyone, now would it?”
The gives a growl at me.
“I know, it's not fair, but well, you can't stay here if you don't want a tranquilizer in the butt, and you don't want that, right?”
That got rid of him. He's not a happy camper, but eh, they just paid me to get him out of the park, he's not my problem anymore.
Guess I'll just sit and wait for Sir Discord...Oh, the centaurs? They started doing this one weird thing where they more or less throw up mana into the ground. Like literally, they open their mouths and magic comes out.
Huh? Wait, the ground! I...I...I'm a pegasus, but... I don't need Earth Pony magic to see that it's coming back to life. It's changing from that dull brown it's been since Luna back-stabbed us for her sister. Grass started growing, a little pink posey sprouting up right in front of me. I got a flower for the kitchen (assuming Rainbow hasn't broken it by now) as payment for something before, and it was very expensive the way things were...this...
I jumped about a foot into the air when Discord decided to yell in my ear. “Geeze! Don't sneak up on somepony like that!”
“Sorry, I apparently have a habit of surprising ponies,” he replied, trotting up next to me and taking pictures of the centaurs with his camera. “Beautiful, isn't it?”
I scoffed. “I guess...Just caught me off guard that's all, and I just like flowers...”
Oh, you try not staring at the green ground after a three year drought!
“They just seem pretty.”
Yeah yeah, I like flowers, sue me. They're pretty like me, and they're like animals; I can complain all I like to them, and they won't complain or get mad, but you know they're listening. Oh? Don't you know? Plants grow better when you talk to them. Duh.
“Ah, I see. Well, that's as good a reason as any,” Sir Discord replied, taking a few more pictures. “Not everything needs an explanation, after all sometimes the most fun things are the ones that make no sense.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sure, I guess. So can we go? I got rid of the bear.”
“Certainly, come along.”
We went to a nice restaurant, well nice is relative. Nice in the Tartarushole the Princesses made the world is 'slightly bigger portions and mildly tastier food.' What? You think the nobles were any better off than the rest of us? Even the ponies in their ivory towers can't do much when there's no rain at all. For most of the meal, I just set eating and didn't talk.
“So, Miss Fluttershy, I hope you're enjoying yourself,” Discord asked.
“Eh, it's okay,” I replied, and that's what it was, not great or awful. “Wait, you're dipping french fries in ice cream?”
He swallowed one of the dang things whole. “Yes, one of my personal favorites.”
“Don't knock it till you try it, salty and sweet are an excellent combination...here, try one?”
“Ugh, do I have to?”
“It's some of the sugary ice cream that Captain Goodguy has generously donated.”
Can't be any worse than half the 'healthy' stuff Pinkamena tries to force feed us. I'll just eat it quick and get it over with....hmm... “Huh...they're okay...can I have another one?”
He gave a smirk and handed me another one. “...So...you hang out with Rainbow Crash, correct?”
“Gilda talks about her a lot...she seems to be a little bitter at you for some reason.”
I scoffed. “Surprise surprise.” Gilda ended up being a guard, risking her life every day for ponies who don't even know hers, I'd be bitter that somepony else was getting by on looks and smarts too. “Guess the Temperance stuff is just horseapples.”
“Now I wouldn't say that. Sure, she has her limits...but if she wasn't a temperate griffon, would you have heard that from me first?”
“...Maybe...You never know.”
“...But she also says she is grateful to you for one other thing.”
“She's grateful you've never abandoned Rainbow Crash...why exactly is that?”
“...That's none of your business.”
He shrugged. “I'm just a curious sort, comes with the territory,” he replied, tapping that fancy camera of his. “From what she tells me, you don't do much if you don't feel it's worth it. Something your interactions with me supports. So, the question of the day is: what do you get out of staying a true friend to a mare like her?”
“...She's just a pony I know, and that's it.”
“...So what if she is?”
He gave a smirk that made me think I'd just somehow lost a chess match I didn't know I was playing. “So what indeed...huh?”
There was a loud roar outside. We turned to see Mr. Bear growling at a garbage pony trying to shoo him off from the trash bin he was sleeping on. Then going kind of berserk and throwing the guy across the street. Sir Discord got up and looked about ready to run out to do something, I just set and kept eating.
He blinked and looked back to me. “...Isn't that the bear you were supposed to get rid of?”
“Yep...you said get him out of the park, and I got him out of the park...for the record, I did not tell him to do that.”
See, that's why I don't try to be worse. If I did stuff like this on purpose, I'd be on the most wanted list like that one eco-terrorist hippy. What? You think I can't do that? Hehe...remember what I said about doing well enough to get by but never enough to attract unwanted attention? Applejack wants to be a big tough bad guy; I don't.
“...Are you going to do something about him?”
Mr. Bear just threw a car or something.
“...Eh, I did my job already, let somepony else handle him.”
“...Well,” he muttered, tapping his chin. “If you can get him to stop-”
We heard a crash as Mr. Bear smashed a window.
“-doing that, I'll pay somepony for some renovations to your little clubhouse.”
He nodded. “If I give you the money, I know it'd never be used for that.”
“But think about it. Not only do you get a nicer place to live, but your friends will also be grateful, and I'm sure Rainbow Crash will appreciate it.”
...Hmm...continue living in a run down cottage with a leaky roof, or get renovations? And maybe Rainbow Crash proof it a little bit...Can't say the guy doesn't know how to make it good.
“Fine, I'll do it.”
Why'd I trust him? King Sombra didn't knight just anypony. Besides, even with the weird questions, I wasn't about to pass up free stuff. All I had to do was get Mr. Bear to go somewhere else.
“Good, I also need to find a phone booth...because reasons.”
Okay, just trot up to Mr. Bear and talk him down. Wow, seeing him trip over a carrot dog cart reminded me of how terrible an angry bear is. I think the carrot dog cart's on fire now, eh, not my problem.
“Hey, Mr. Bear,” I said, just looking up at him. “Look! I know you're clopped off, but think you can cool it off alread-AH!”
He just tried to swipe my head off!
“Hey! Don't shoot the messenger! It's me!”
Okay, Mr. Bear tells me he's just angry, has no where to go, blah, blah, blah. Okay. So how do I get him out of here without making him madder? Well...we do live outside of the city limits...sorta.
“I think I know somewhere you can crash.”
No! I'm not inviting a bear to live in our house! But there is a cave nearby. And it's not like I'm going to keep him there! If Equestria's getting restored, he'll get to go home soon enough! Besides, he can take care of himself.
I mean, seriously! Do you know how much it'd cost to FEED a bear? More than I'm willing to pay! Let him find his own food!
“So do we have a deal?”
Mr. Bear nods and politely heads to wait for me to leave.
Okay, there, done. That was easy-Oh, right standing next to a burning carrot dog cart and next to several dry trees...well, this was a bad idea.
Oh, horseapples! Flaming tree falling at my head!...Wait, what?
I looked up to see a draconquus in red spandex standing over me and holding up the burning entire tree with an oven mitt. Okay, called it, I have now met Captain Goodguy. I'm not complaining, though. I like being alive, and not on fire.
“Are you alright, citizen?”
I nodded. I just got saved by Captain Goodguy, and even I'm not going to snark at that.
“Alright, let's do something about this fire, shall we?!” he announced, throwing that flaming tree aside and reaching into his utility belt, producing...pack of mints? “Hmm, was going for fire retardant foam, but this will do.”
He ate the whole pack in one bite, took in a deep breath and blew, his breath turning blue and freezing the trees to put out the fire...and also making everything smell like peppermint.
“Stay here, Miss, I'll only be...oh, a few minutes.”
He wasn't kidding either; it only took him a few minutes to fix up the damage from a bear rampage. Though the town did end up with some clashing colors I'm pretty sure Rarity would approve.
For some reason, Equestria's greatest superhero wants to talk to me. I'm about to be arrested aren't I?
“Hello, Miss Fluttershy, I've heard a lot about you from Starlight and Sir Discord, care to talk for a little bit?”
“Okay, wait, wait, wait!” I exclaimed. “First Starlight Glimmer, then Sir Discord, and now you, is today 'National Mane Six Are Important' day or something?!”
Seriously, why?! I almost died, forgive me if I'm a little bucking hysterical right now!
He snaps his fingers, and we're on a roof. And he's upside down for some reason.
Oh, wait, I'm upside down.
“Why am I upside down?!”
He rubs his head. “Sorry, comes with the territory. My PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS...” Yikes! He just grew like three times his size and fireworks are going off! Is that a plaid sun in his claw?! “...have a little bit of a mind of their own...”
Now he's back to normal, and a glowing purple plaid version of him is waving at me before disappearing into him. Seriously, did I drink all of Applejack's hard cider while I was sleeping before Pinkamena could get to it?!
“So sometimes random things like that happen...”
I grunted and just got back on my hooves. “Whatever. Still doesn't explain why every big hero and their mother is coming to visit us today!”
“Well, this IS the first time in three years the lot of us all have any free time and been in the same place at the same time,” Goodguy explained. “And we're all trying to help everypony, we've just been so busy protecting the world from the evil of the Princesses, so now that they are reformed, we have time to catch up. Perhaps it's less random chance and more the world deciding you're overdue some assistance. Maybe recent events have caused a new fate to open up for you lot. But as for me and Sir Discord, we felt you needed a little help getting ready for what awaits you...and...you remind us of somepony we once knew...”
Why can't I shake the feeling he knew more than he was saying?
I scoffed, crossing my forelegs. “Huh, well you're wasting your time...”
“Oh, and why is that?”
“Simple, we're not paying you back. We don't want to, and we couldn't even if we wanted to. There's nothing in it for you, so isn't that the definition of a waste of time?”
And now he's laughing.
“Why are you laughing?!”
“Oh, well dear, let me remind you of who I am,” he announced, doing this one superhero pose and clearing his throat. Why is he in black and white now? “I'm faster than a speeding crossbow bolt!”
He jumped to one side of the roof and fired a crossbow, the outran it so he could catch it.
“More powerful than a locomotive!”
And now he's standing on train tracks with a train coming at him. He catches it, and sumo throws it over himself, causing it to turn into butterflies.
Huh? Where'd he go now?
“I can leap tall buildings in a single bound!”
And he jumps straight up over me from street level and lands on the rooftop. “I'm CAPTAIN GOODGUY!” He was in some pose with his hands on his sides and chest puffed out. Where is that music coming from?
“...Yes, I'm aware of that...why are you in black and white?”
“I have absolutely no idea; that is rather weird...huh... but that's beside the point. The point is, my dear, for somepony as powerful as I am, what exactly could I expect in return for anything I do?”
“Money?” he took out a lump of coal and squeezed it...turning it into lead and then again, turning it into a gold statue of Celestia mooning him. “Not an issue. Power? I still have my PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS! Land? Have my own pocket dimension where I keep my Fortress of Goodness. Self-gratification? Well, I do enjoy that, but my mere existence would get that. So tell me, my dear, what's in it for me?”
“Uh... Well... You're just... You're... You're wrong then... You shouldn't be doing this...”
I admit, part of my problem finding a witty retort might be the fact he just saved my life. If I told him that he was a moron for helping me...I would be saying I should be dead...and I like living.
“You have no idea how many times Celestia told me that very thing,” Goodguy replied, giving an annoying chuckle. “But let me first ask you this before I explain mine, my dear. Your little group was bullied by that villain Spitfire, right?”
I narrowed my eyes. “And how do you know that?”
“Gilda's friend, remember?”
“So here's my question: what would have happened if Gilda had done nothing to help Rainbow?”
I rolled my eyes. “Simple, she wouldn't have gotten bullied by Spitfire, simple as that.”
“Ah ah! I didn't ask what would happen to her. I meant what would've happened to Rainbow Crash? If she had no one. If she had to endure all of that torment by her lonesome with no one to help ease her suffering?”
I just stood there, we just stood there, no words, just silence for a few minutes.
“Heroes are made when you make a choice, Fluttershy,” Goodguy said. “You both made one, didn't you?”
“We need to do something, Shy.”
“But Spitfire will turn on us...She'll be so mad...”
“But if we don't do anything, she's going to keep hurting Rainbow Dash.”
“Do you care about her or not?” Gilda held out a talon. “She needs us.”
I slowly reach out my hoof to take it.
“Come on, Rainbow CRASH, if you can't even fly two feet without crash and burning how do you expect to be a great flier?” yelled Spitfire, Rainbow on the ground crying. She tried to get up and fly again, but Spitfire snagged her tail, sending her head over hooves into a cloud. “Hehe, well you got a few more feet that time.” Spitfire then looked over at us and gave a glare that made my heart skip a beat.
I pull my hoof back. Gilda looks so disappointed in me. Rainbow Dash looks so hurt.
Why...why am I trembling?
Goodguy trotted over and leaned against an air vent next to me. He...he looks sad. Captain Goodguy looks sad. He's...he's looked serious before, but never sad.
“Let me tell you a story, Fluttershy...years ago, a great evil was let loose from beneath the northern ice. As the world suffered their wrath, a great and powerful Spirit of Chaos saw this. He had incredible power, he could've done much...but instead he did nothing. He thought much as you did. Told himself 'Why should I get involved? It's not going to affect me?'...Now you see, that Spirit of Chaos had one friend. She was a little purple Earth Pony. Who saw him and his creations as beautiful, and cared about him. Who meant the world to him.”
...Why does his voice sound so hurt?
“But...you remember that evil force? The one he could've done something about it, but he refused to do anything because it didn't involve him?...It turned out it did, very much so. For that little Earth Pony?...She...Let's just say that the proud Spirit of Chaos found out the hard way the price of inaction. A price he wished he'd never had to pay...a price if he'd just done something, he'd never have had to pay...The moral of the story? Never pass up a chance to do good, because good deeds can only benefit somepony...but if you do nothing, one day it will come back to bite somepony. Maybe you, maybe somepony you care about, maybe somepony you've never met...but somepony will reap what you've sown.”
I feel like my head's spinning... I... Rainbow... I...
He lowers his head and then looks at me. “But we all have a lot more choices than one, and a hero can be made at every one. What choices are you going to make?”
“... I'll think about it.”
“That's all I ask...Want to go get ice cream? My treat?”
“...Want to take one home for Rainbow Crash?”
“Good. Now come! To the Goodguy-mobile!”