Fourth Wall Breaking Variety Show: Dark World Edition
By Kendell 2
A cleaning cloth carefully rubbed an old, filthy camera lens for a few moments until it finally lowered, revealing the face of Apple Computer, who blew on the lens, fogging it up.
“Those old camera things of Aunt Pinkie's all fixed up now pa?” Apple Pie asked, popping up next to her father to try and get a closer look.
The stallion nodded. “Yeah, Ah think so. Surprised these things are still in one piece after a thousand years with Crazy Top Hat Discord runnin' around,” he said, rubbing his head. It'd taken quite a bit of work to get them back in working order though.
“Well, her letter did say she had 'em stored all over Equestria in case of camera emergencies,” the little filly replied. “...Which doesn't make much sense, Equestria wasn't covered in cameras!” she said with a giggle.
Apple Computer tapped his chin. “Well, there was that time we had a camera storm, but those were photo cameras...”
“Oh yeah, Ah remember that! Good thing all the ones on the front lawn merged inta a giant camera monster, or it'd have taken awhile tah clean 'em all up!”
“Excuse me, Apple Pie, I think we need to get this started,” Diamond Tiara interrupted, jumping up on Apple Computer's back as well.
“Oh! Right! Sorry, Diamond!”
Diamond looked to Apple Computer. “Thank you, Mr. Apple Computer, we can handle it from here.”
“Alright Diamond, yah two fillies enjoy yerself,” said the stallion, nodding and heading out, revealing a TV studio behind them, Fourth Wall Breaking Studios written on the wall.
The two jumped up onto a chair. Diamond Tiara cleared her throat and pulled a letter out of her ear with a cartoony sound effect. “Hello everyone, I'm Diamond Tiara, the new Element of Cruelty” she said, putting a hoof to her chest. “...I'm cruel to bad guys now.”
“And Ah'm Apple Pie!” called the other filly cheerfully. “Yah know? Element of Laughter?!”
“And this is the Fourth Wall Breaking Verity Show Dark World edition!” called both.
Apple Pie blinked, looking to Diamond. “Uh...Diamond, what's the Fourth Wall? And why are we 'breakin' it?”
“Well, it's...” the pink filly asked, looking evasive. “Pinkie Pie talk, let's leave it at that.”
“Oh!...Yah speak Pinkie Pie?”
“Yes, I have her weird powers...and I've honestly heard weirder things from the voices in my head while I was insane.”
“...Yah bein' sarcastic?”
“I honestly don't know anymore."
"Hehe! That don't make any sense!"
"Now cover your ears, I have to break the fourth wall.”
“Okay...” Apple Pie said, covering her ears.
Diamond Tiara turned to the camera. “Now, the Author has been really busy with making other worlds for other Shadows who are paying him, so the next chapter of OUR story, Dark World Drabbles, is taking awhile. Just know we'll be right back to saving the Crystal Empire soon enough. But he doesn't want you to forget about us!...And to be honest, neither do I...so he talked with our old Shadow Who Makes if it'd be alright to take a little page from his book. And then had Pinkie Pie send us a letter from the afterlife explaining how to do it...”
Pinkie Pie sighed, looking at a now empty wallet. “Who knew postage from the afterlife would be so expensive...”
The pink filly pulled out a mailbox from her ear and planted it in the ground next to her. “So here's what we're going to do. You write what happens next or some letters to us or whatever down there in those comments there, then Mrs. Derpy will bring the letters to this mail box here. Got it? Good!”
Diamond Tiara looked at the letter. “Oh! And apparently there are some rules: 1. What you put in the comments appears in the story.
2. Nopony besides me and mama can see beyond the fourth wall or interact with it and I can't spill the beans about us being out-and-out fiction to the others.
3. The camera can’t leave the studio, though we do have a telescope thing.
4. The characters can be from any generation, toy or comic but they have to be from “My little Pony”
5. Everything that happens here is non-canon.
7. Have Fun "
Diamond Tiara put down the list. “And that's about it. So sit down, relax, and pay attention to me-I mean us...sorry, force of habit...Also, the others should be here soon, so don't worry. I KNOW Silver Spoon will be here in a couple minutes.”
“Can Ah uncover mah ears now?!” asked Apple Pie, rather loudly.
Diamond Tiara gave a sigh. “YES!”
“Okay, yah don't have tah yell!”
A letter appeared out of nowhere to float down to the present ponies.
Apple Pie was hardly surprised since there was the one time Master Pumper Discord had employed ghosts to deliver the mail. Not to those who had ordered something of course.
“Wait, this can happen once the Fourth Wall is broken! Some of those can have questions to answer, the rest is known as a strange pointless mass called spam.” Diamond Tiara said.
“Let’s see… introduction… yada yada yada… season 5 spoilers… bla bla bla… Ah! Here is a question: What was it like to fight against Grogar’s forces and finally Grogar himself, are you getting used to be heroes?”
“Yeah that was really something. I mean we did save the world before and then a second time soon afterwards. And now there’s the thing about the Crystal Empire coming… We will have to keep doing these things, aren’t we?” Apple Pie wondered.
“Well… we do have a list about all the sealed evils from Luna but most are crossed off the list. Uncle Discord did “accidentally” take care of a lot of them. I’m just glad that it is not like these comic books where the same villain gets used again and again because they are popular.” Diamond answered.
“So Grogar won’t return as a Space Mecha Alien Dragon Zombie Plus Two?”
“No.” The Element of Cruelty had seen weirder things in the chaotic world but Grogar was likely taking a permanent vacation in Tartarus right now.
“Still he was frighteningly clever. No joke. Building a team to counter Prized Pillar Discord’s team and they would have actually won if we hadn’t gained a lot more friends since then. They didn’t play by comic book rules either and never fell apart because of bickering.” Apple Pie felt like pouting.
“Hey if we fight with everything we got to save the world what is stopping the villains to do the same to reach their goals?”
“I guess that is sorta fair. But I’m more exited about the Crystal Empire once we are done saving it. There’s much to do: meeting other foals, reading new comic books, playing new games and having fun with new friends!”
Diamond Tiara nodded. "...And I will say one thing about fighting Grogar: it felt good to actually be a HERO for once period..." Diamond Tiara continued, giving a small smile.
Another letter floated down.
"And here we go! Hey, this one is from a Shadow that sent letters to the old 4th Wall Breaking Show, too!" Apple Pie looked at the envelope in her hooves. She opened it and started to read. "'Nice to see you fillies again' -- aww!" Apple Pie smiled. "He's a nice Shadow..."
"Maybe," Diamond Tiara said. She'd gotten a glance at the envelope and remembered the stories that Princess Libra, Applejack, and the others told her about some Shadows.
"Anyway, whatever happened to that 'Power Ponies' show that was mentioned in Dark World a few times? How did it stay on for 1000 years? Did it ever go off the air?" Apple Pie looked up. "Easy answer? Discord did it! The longer one, well?" She looked expectantly at Diamond Tiara.
"He liked it so he kept it on," Diamond said. "Trapped in pure formula, he said once. Something about how that'd teach Pandy-somebody to say bad things about his jokes." Looking uneasy, she said, "But sometimes it wasn't easy... I wish I could show everyone how it ended."
"Maybe we can with this?" Apple Pie said, holding up a machine labeled Flashback Displayer, use with caution. It seemed to combine a helmet with wires leading to a movie camera. She quickly set the helmet on Diamond Tiara's head and began to run it.
DT, at that moment a music-box pony along, watched a massive screen in Discord's Palace. Most of the Chaos Six were elsewhere, but Traitor Dash huddled nearby under her thin blanket. Still, she watched the screen, looking almost eager. Discord reclined in a bottle of soda and drank an easy chair. Fluttercruel watched, tapping one hoof and snorting.
"Yeesh, come on, when are they gonna kill something?"
"Now, now, patience my dear," Discord said. "The story does need some plot development before killing anything. It needs to actually start, at least." He frowned and muttered, "Though I know of ONE monster I'd love to see them smash to bits."
Fluttercruel looked at him, her eyes watering. Discord sighed.
"Oh, not this time." He shook his claw at her. Fluttercruel pouted and crossed her forelegs, the very image of a balked foal. Discord just said, "You need to learn some self control, young lady. I'm beginning to think this show is a bad influence." A handful of hippogriffs came into the room, bearing a petition pleading for mercy. He snapped his claws and they turned into featherdusters. "Honestly, you seem to be turning into a hit of a bully sometimes."
"Hey, where's Angry Pie?" Traitor Dash looked at Discord. She waved one hoof. "And why aren't her foals her to watch?"
"She forbade them because it was teaching them bad manners," Discord said, glancing at Fluttercruel, "Which I can agree with. She said she was going to chat with the cast." The music began and he shushed her, zipping her mouth shut with a snap of his claw. "No more noise Dash, the show is on. Or would you rather I had them show 'The Death of the Nasty Traitor Scootaloo' again?"
Dash frantically shook her head no. Discord smiled benevolently as on the screen a bleary-eyed pony, his mane falling out and looking slightly manic, smiled crookedly at the audience. Behind and around him showed other ponies of the show's crew, looking just as bad. He began to speak, sounding half mad.
"And welcome everypony, to the newest season of Mighty Morphin' Pony Rangers. We've had a 978-year run without any interruptions, and it's all because of Supreme Banana Discord, who... won't let us STOP!" He giggled hysterically. He shivered and got back under control. "Anyway, before we begin, we're getting a very special message from one of I Am So Much Cooler Than Tirek Discord's loyal servants, Angry Pie -- wait, what?!?"
With a wild roar Angry Pie charged out from behind a curtain, her hooves knocking holes in the concrete floor. Everypony cringed back, looking for an exit.
"DON'T YOU DARE RUN!" Angry Pie yelled. They all froze as she added, "I have something to say!" To their amazement, she calmed and said, "First of all, I want to register my dissatisfaction with the way you promote sugary and unhealthy snacks for foals on this show..."
"Hmmph," Discord said. He reached into a sugar bowl that he held, took out a videocassette of the MLP 3.5 World, and swallowed it. "I have NO idea what she's talking about. I approved of this stuff myself!"
"And secondly," Angry Pie said, muzzle in the air, "Must you really glorify violence for foals the way you do? Because that UPSETS ME!" She roared the last out and glared right into the announcer's face. She sat back and said quietly, "I would appreciate a prompt response."
"You?" The announcer giggled nervously and failed to notice the fury boiling in Angry's eyes. "Offended by violence?" He laughed.
Immediately half a dozen hooves clapped over his muzzle. Too late.
Angry Pie shrieked in rage and leaped on them. The image went to static in mid-leap, but a few sounds of furious violence and agonized shrieks continued anyway as the screen showed message reading, EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES DUE TO DISCORD-RELATED MAYHEM, PLEASE STAND BY. Over it showed an image of Discord manifesting out of a camera lens and zapping the camerapony.
"Huh, so that's why the show went off the air," Apple Pie said.
"Yeah," Diamond Tiara said, removing the helmet and fixing her mane. "Good thing Katydid wasn't around, she loved Power Ponies."
"Is that why the Changeling Rangers are like that?"
Another letter floated down and Diamond Tiara opened it.
"Hello, this letter is from Fawn Doo and Marcie Pan. Discord made us immortal so we could never die. Locked us in one of the kitchens, and forgot about us. We produce the legendary PheNOMNOMenons, the sweet cake so addictive that you'll never able to have enough. We have several hundred years worth of back stock. Could you help us unload some of them? (They're so full of preservatives and sugar that they'll taste like new). Oh, and of course make us filthy rich in the process."
Apple Pie blinked. "Oh boy! those do sound tasty, think we should go help 'em out?"
Diamond Tiara nodded...then heard a cough from off stage, her mother looking at her. "Oh right, we still need to host the show...We can go afterwards."
"Alright...still, doesn't feel right tah turn down ponies who need help! It ain't the Apple Pie spirit!"
Diamond Tiara blinked. "You or your family?"
Diamond Tiara nodded slowly. "That still confuses me. Okay, so what should we do then?"
Apple Pie trotted over to an area with a bullseye on the floor and a little lightbulb hanging down over her head.
Golden Tiara blinked. "What's that, Princess?"
"The studio's thinking place," Diamond Tiara explained. "It was Scootaloo's idea, she said the Crusaders had one at their club house back in the day."
Apple Pie gasped. "Ah got an idea!"
Diamond Tiara looked through the studio's telescope.
Luna and Libra watched Celly literally run circles on the ceiling. "She has a sugar rush," Luna remarked in disbelief. "Thou hath managed to give an Alicorn a sugar rush. The cake the size of a castle we got when we first took the throne did not do that, how much sugar tis in those treats?!"
The two Earth Ponies looked up from counting money. "A lot."
Libra sighed. "Well, at least she's happy...how did she get on the chandelier?"
Diamond Tiara pouted, looking away from the telescope. "Celly's so lucky, those treats look so good...mom?"
"I'll get you some afterwards, princess."
"Can't you just use those wacky toon powers of yers tah get some?" asked Apple Pie, cocking her head.
"No, because it's more funny for me NOT to get them right now...so I can't get them..."
"Oh..." Apple Pie chuckled a little bit about the paradox.
Yet another letter fluttered down from the ceiling, a large manilla envelope as plain as could be. When Diamond Tiara opened it, though, all kinds of confetti and party steamers came blasting out, decorating her mane and filling half the room.
Apple Pie gasped. "Don't tell me Telephone Sanitizer Discord is back!?"
Diamond pulled out a glitter-encrusted letter and smirked. "It's from Princess Thalia." She cleared her throat. "Dear Diamond Tiara and Apple Pie... Congratulations on starting your own variety show! I just wrapped up mine, and I'm bursting with ideas and fun new things to try! Not literally bursting. It'd be tough on the space-time continuum if I did that too much now. Anyway, I'd hop right over and come be a guest on *your* show, but your Wolf would probably get all grumpy?" She gave a perplexed look to Apple Pie, who only shrugged in response.
"Our Wolf was really grouchy before he died and got better. Has yours died too? I sure hope meany Discord and super meany Paradox weren't too hard on him. Make sure you never stop smiling... unless you don't really feel like smiling and it's just getting kind of creepy. It's okay to stop smiling then. Love, Princess Thalia."
Apple Pie blinked. "Princess Thalia...wait, Auntie Pinkie Pie from another universe?! She's an Alicorn now!"
"Apparently..." said Diamond Tiara. "The Lovecat Tribe will probably be happy to hear that."
There was a knock on the door. "Come in!"
"Hey kids," said Rainbow Dash, entering with Scootaloo on one side and Applejack...or Saint Abigail as some called her on the other. "Wow, you girls built this place?!"
"Well, not exactly, we helped," said Diamond Tiara.
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. "Who helped you?"
The camera swiveled to reveal a young Hippogriff named Cherry Pie, a young sea pony named Waterflower, and a young Changeling nymph named Lady Bug, surrounded by construction equipment. All three looking at their bare flanks.
"We didn't get our Cutie Marks!" Lady Bug complained.
"Guess we ain't Cutie Mark Crusader Construction Workers either..." said Cherry Pie.
Rainbow Dash suddenly looked at the building in concern. "I supervised them, don't worry," Scootaloo reassured. "And the Apple Pies helped...complete with a song."
"...I guess that explains the thinking place..."
Another letter opened in, it was covered in stickers and cute little crayon drawings. It read.
'Hi, I'm Queen Scary Story from Crystal-Land! My best friends in the world are Heartsong and Bright Shield! They're from Unicornia! They're really nice! I just want to wish you a happy happy super fun time with your show! Cheer!'
"Wow, she sounds really nice!" Apple Pie said cheerfully.
"Yeah, but I thought Unicoria was the Unicorn's name for Equestria before the three tribes come together, wasn't it?"
"Ah think that's what Aunt AJ said when she told the story."
Diamond Tiara blinked. "Wait, I thought that was a noncanonish thing."
Apple Pie cocked her head. "Didn't yah say this was 'noncanon' too?"
"...So I did."
Rainbow Dash sighed. "I'm don't think I'll ever get used to you being another Pinkie Pie...
Another letter, a pink one, and a box appeared.
Diamond Tiara carefully read it. 'Thank you for your non-returnable purchase of one Planet Express What-If Machine MK 3. We hope you enjoy viewing possibilities but never certainties of your universal cluster. Or not. Doesn't matter because you owe us 900 Million Earthican Dollars (Plus Tax, Shipping And Handling, and Customs) , hope your exchange rate is good. We have means of collecting payments that are un fulfilled. Most of them include spending a three-day weekend with the Pain Monster. No, that's not just a fancy name!'
The girls paled.
"I don't think even daddy ever made that much money," Diamond Tiara said.
"YES! I am the What-If Machine MK-3! Created by my brilliant creator! A misunderstood genius! Take me out and behold my magnificence!" Came a voice inside the box. "You should be honored my great and infallible maker gave you such a overly generous cost! Seriously, you're taking advantage of him! I am also non-refundable."
Rainbow Dash facehoof. "Where did you guys even order this thing?!"
"Some nice blue unicorn with a coyote necklace gave us order forms!" Apple Pie lamented. "She said it'd help with the show and would be 'worth every bit!'...all things considerin' she probably wasn't very nice."
"Take me out of this and behold me!"
Applejack sighed. "Apple Pie, dear, what have I told you about reading contracts for fine print?"
"Why didn't you?"
"Because there was so much of it! The contract was longer than meh!"
Applejack sighed. "Do you still have it?"
She nodded, going into a nearby closet and producing a copy of a gigantic contract.
"Alright, I'm going to look through this for a loophole or double meaning to get you out of this, get that thing out of the box. Isn't right to keep it in there," the Element of Fantasy explained.
Diamond Tiara nodded slowly. "Thank you Applejack."
She opened the box and produced a machine that looked like a futuristic shiny chromed silver machine...that resembled an old antenna TV with a crank on it.
"Huh, it looks just like Alternate Aunt Pinkie's except yah know, shinier."
"Nonsense! I am a major upgrade over my inferior prototypes!" yelled the machine.
"How?" asked Apple Pie, cocking her head.
"I have an artificial intelligence program and chromed plating!"
"Uh...the old one was alive now, actually..." Diamond Tiara remarked, looking at a transcript she pulled out of nowhere.
"...I have chrome plating!"
"...Okay, it's actually pretty nice," Diamond Tiara admitted, Apple Pie nodding.
"Another letter appeared.
'After it has been paid off, the Gizmonks of Tambelon would like to offer 2,000 gears and cogs for the what-if machine for the purpose of dismantling it so we might invent a machine for the public welfare that mails letters BEFORE they're written.'"
"Wait what?!" the Machine asked in horror.
"They use gears and cogs for money in Tambelon?" Apple Pie asked surprised.
"Why is that a surprise? We've literally used everything," Diamond Tiara replied. "Our last currency was action figures."
"Yeah, but that was Unwashed Dentures Discord's idea. Grogar is supposed to be the orderly one."
"You won't actually give them this unit, will you?" the machine asked, displaying a terrified emoticon on its screen.
"Nah, grandma always said 'don't sell anythin' that might be sapient, it's rude,'" Apple Pie replied in a cheeriful voice.
"...That is not something my creator would have said...In fact his will specifically says 'sell the What If Machine to scrape dealing aliens'..."
"Huh...That's almost as weird as some things in Uncle Discord's will...Which was recorded on a fourth dimensional pancake..."
"Like 'I hope that Ah died bein' run over by a bulldozer driven by Saddle Rager'?"
"It was his favorite potential death. I wonder what would've happened if he'd actually died that way..."
"Showing potential situation!" The What If Machine announced.
Dark World Heroes stood before Nightmare Eclipse, somehow endowed with the powers of the Power Ponies with Discord standing by.
"Wait, that actually happened in one loop?" Rainbow Dash asked, blinking.
"It's no good, we still can't win..." Twilight muttered, despite having the combined might of the Masked Matterhorn and her own.
Discord looked thoughtfully for a second, as if someone was talking to him. "Fluttercruel!"
The currently hulked out pony looked to him. "What?!"
"Smash me! Preferably with a bulldozer because I've always wanted to die like that! I'll make myself vulnerable!"
"Do it if you love me! Think of that time I grounded you from weapons for a week!"
Eclipse blinked. "...This is the weirdest fight with you NPCs I've ever had."
Discord manifested a bulldozer.
"Do it if you love me! Listen to your father or I'll ground you from weapons for a eon next cycle-Ow! My everything!..."
Diamond Tiara whimpered and covered her eyes. "I can't watch this..."
Apple Pie hugged her.
"Suicide, Discord? Haven't we tried this alr-"
"Now throw me at her like a javelin!"
Eclipse was knocked through a wall behind her when Fluttercruel/Saddle Rager threw the obviously mortally wounded Discord into her head, impaling her on his horns as multiple black tendrils emerged from him.
"What a wonderful day! I get to drag you to Mom with me, and I got to die my favorite cause of death ever!"
Apple Pie blinked as Discord said his heart felt goodbyes and dragged both of them into Oblivion.
"Huh...Guess that's why he told us tah stay away from him."
In Pony Hell, Nightmare Eclipse sitting next to Morning Star inside the giant gem that is their prison for eternity, watching the show.
"The whole 'getting dragged into oblivion with Discord' thing is getting boring."
"They've only shown two so far dear."
"Yes, but I have to EXPERIENCE every single possible defeat! It's annoying!"
The camera flickered back to the studio.
"What was that?" Diamond Tiara asked as Apple Pie looked at the camera.
"I'm not sure, I think we picked up some interference."
Cherry Pie, a young sea pony named Waterflower, and a young Changeling nymph named Lady Bug,
With the hosts busy, Cherry Pie, Waterflower, and Lady Bug curiously moved to the door, having done more than being the 'live audience' for a while, and Cherry Pie opened the door.
They found a faded colored mare with an equal sign for a cutie mark wearing a dirty and average crafted hood and cape, her mane cut being equally average as well. Her bright eyes and huge grin being all the more pronounced because of it.
"Hello little foals, have you heard the good news about Equality?"
Applejack came up and slammed the door shut. "OW! MY NOISE!"
"Not interested," AJ said evenly.
"HEY! The Equestrian Constitution protects my right to share my way-of-life in a non-violent manner!" Her muffled voice was heard through the door.
"It still kinda weird seein' Big Stop Watch Discord as a good guy..." Apple Pie said. "Reminds meh of that comic were Super Stallion's mirror universe self is Ultra Stallion and he's a bad guy...Ah wonder what our mirror universe is like..."
"Showing alternate world!" The What If Machine announced.
"Haha! Take that Ultra Stallion! Alexander Silversmith saved the day again!" called Poison Apple, sitting on her bed reading comic books.
Apple Pie sat on her bed, reading an encyclopedia on chaos theory.
"Wait...he WON?" Apple Pie asked. "But Ah thought the good guys couldn't win in that world...Poison Apple readin' comics and meh readin' sciency stuff?...Yeah, that kinda makes sense. But that ain't how the comics said it worked."
"But if it's OUR Mirror Universe, doesn't that mean in the comics our Mirror Universe is their normal universe so the good guys can win, but their mirror universe is our normal universe and the bad guys always win?" Diamond Tiara asked, then groaned as the line of thought made her go crosseyed. "Ugh, that makes my head hurt..."
"Hehe..." Apple Pie giggled. "That's kinda funny though."
The What If Machine was sparking. "Don't-think-about-it-don't-think-about-it-don't-think-about-it..."
"Alright, show us somethin' else!" Apple Pie yelled, interested.
"Showing potential reality!"
Shining Armor stood glowing with a powerful aura, wings now on his back in addition to the horn on his head.
He snarled and launched himself forwards at speeds most pegasi could only imagine, a forcefield bubble forming around him.
The blow was caught by Destruction, the Draconequus planting his feet in preparation for the blow. At impact, a shockwave reduced the ground they stood on to a crater and caused the sky above to part.
The Spirit of Destruction itself gave a laugh akin to a foal who'd finally found a playmate to play a game with that could actually keep up with him at long last, not malicious in the slightest.
"Hehe! Feel good being a god, Shining?" Destruction asked in amusement.
"...It's incredible..." Shining Armor said, the two not moving from their stalemate even as the clouds continued being forced back from the sheer force they were pushing against each other.
"Really? Surprised?" Destruction laughed. "Guess it might take awhile for you to really get how much you can do now!"
The two rose up high into the air, above everypony watching.
They then collided with ungodly force, the two trading attacks and blows. Destruction's meeting a shield that seemed to refuse to break no matter how much force struck it and the God of Destruction obliterating the shield valleys sent his way. This continued throughout the buildings of Canterlot at such speeds most ponies couldn't even see them until they finally paused high above it.
"This is great! Now you're getting it! I haven't had this much fun in awhile!" Destruction cackled in glee. "I don't get to cut loose against somepony that can take it very often!" He then paused, noticing Shining didn't seem to be having as much fun as he was. "Huh? What's wrong?"
"I'm disappointed..." Shining admitted.
"Huh? Why?! You don't like being a God?"
"I've been trying all my life to protect everything...to protect Twiley...now I need to get some power up from the Elements to do that..." Shining admitted, looking down. "...I wish I'd reached this level on my own...for them..."
Destruction scratched his head. "Then why'd you do it?"
"...Because this way I have a chance to protect them..."
The two then resumed their battle, blows colliding with such force that the ponies on the ground wondered if an Earthquake was happening.
"Huh? Who's Shining Armor?" asked Apple Pie, cocking her head.
"And isn't Uncle Destruction dead?" asked Diamond Tiara, cocking hers as well
Before they could ask for another of the What If Machine's videos,there was a knock on the door. "Diamond!"
"Hey Silver Spoon!" called Diamond Tiara, giving her gem eyed friend a hug.
"Bump, bump, sugar lump rump!" the two chanted, doing their hoof shake.
Apple Pie smiled. "Hey Silver!" she called to the new Element of Kindness.
"Hi, Apple Pie," Silver said with a wave. She then blinked, looking at the What If Machine. "Huh? What's that thing?"
"This is the What If Machine...we ordered it and ended up costing us a LOT of money and...well..."
"I'm still looking for a loop hole!" called Applejack.
"Oh..." Silver said, blinking. "What does it do?"
"I present images of potential situations that may have happened if things had happened a certain way!" the What If Machine announced.
"...You'd like Miss Trixie."
"Huh? Ah know Half-Light used her element, but how do yah know her?" Apple Pie asked.
"I was in Heaven."
Silver Spoon looked back to the What If Machine. "So, like, if I asked 'What if I was a colt' you'd show it?"
"Showing potential situation!"
"Wait it was just an exam-"
"So, like, if I asked 'What if I was a filly', you'd show it?" asked grey colt with gem eyes, a silver spoon with a heart in the handle for a cutie mark, mane done up rather fancy, but fairly short. Behind him was a pink colt with a Diamond crown as his mark (one on his head as well), and a colt with an orange and apple slice Cutie Mark standing next to her.
"Showing potential situation!"
"Wait, it was just an exam-"
Silver Spoon blinked, watching her male self, watching her female self, watching her male self, watching her female self, ect.
"...Ugh....I think my head hurts..." said Silver...at the same time as exact time as her male self. "What the-"
"Hehe, this is funny!" said Apple Pie and HER male self at the same time, both laughing.
Diamond looked straight at her male self, who was looking at her looking at him. "Wow, I'm really handsome/pretty as a colt/filly. Knew it," she said in tandem with her male self.
Meanwhile the What if Machine started sparking a little seeing the image of them looking into it at themselves looking into it on a loop to infinity. 'Why do these ponies keep almost crashing me?!'
"Alright, we finally managed to figure out something," Applejack returned, now with Mayor Mare beside her. The pony had been turned to living stone by Discord and as a result was still alive. While mortal now (waiting to rejoin her family at the end of her life), she was still proudly Ponyville's mayor. And had the unopposed world record for longest reigning mayor in history.
The Mayor cleared her throat. "Abigail and I managed to find out that due to multiple, seemingly weekly disasters in that universe...apparently, and the fact we just went back to bits and Discord hadn't even touched the treasury (Eden liked to look at the gold and jewels), the exchange rate is good."
"Yay!" called Apple Pie.
"...But that is STILL several million dollars."
"But I was able to get Libra to call the place and work out a deal cutting down things to a day with the 'Pain Monster'."
"Well at least it's not worse..." said Diamond, whimpering.
"But I ALSO found a loop hole," Applejack explained. "It says 'spend the weekend with the Pain Monster,' not that you have to let it do anything to you..."
"...Oh..." Diamond said, giving a smirk.
"I'm going," Golden Tiara suddenly specified.
Everyone blinked and stared at her. "What?!"
"One, a mother looks out for her child, two, I have cartoon powers, and three..." Golden Tiara said, producing a random mallet and smacking herself on the head with it. Following cartoon logic, it simply crumbled to dust and she didn't seem to feel it. "I literally have not been able to feel pain since I was a child, so a Pain Monster is going to have a very boring weekend with me."
Golden Tiara hugged her daughter. "Don't worry, my little princess. I'll kick that entire universe's flank if I have to to come back to you."
And with that Golden Tiara willingly went to another universe for a day in her daughter's stead.
Meanwhile with the Pain Monster. "OH! OH! Now I have someone to listen to my entire collection of Dubstep-polka-bagspipes! . . . And watch all Plans 1 Through 12 From Outerspace! Extended Director's cut! And eat my brustlesprots and liver cassaroll! With flavorless rice-cakes for desert!"
Golden Tiara gave an annoyed growl. "Diamond, what have you gotten me into."
Diamond gulped, watching it on the What If Machine. "I'm going to be grounded for a year for this, aren't I?"
"Think she'll be alright?" Rainbow asked.
"At least the movies are going to bore her more than anything, Uncle Discord always watched them over and over on an infinite loop...and personally forced directors to make 11 of them," Diamond said with a sigh. "I'd better got spend my allowance while I've got it..."
"Actually, we took it as part of the payment," Applejack told her.
Diamond grumbled, crossing her forelegs.
"Say, Diamond, I hope this is okay ta ask but whatever happened ta your Dad?"
"Father?" Diamond Tiara sighed and looked down before saying, "Back when Ultimate Bologna Discord was still evil and first got loose, he cursed him with the ability to turn other ponies into copies of Mom."
"That sounds cool," Apple Pie said. Diamond glared at her. Apple Pie swallowed. "Uh, creepy, but still cool. Is that where Discord got the Dirt Maids from?"
"No, they were hired the normal way and told they'd have to become mares for the job but that he'd never do anything else to them or their family, apparently Ed Wood Fanboy Number One Discord always had more applicants then he could use... Anyway, Dad spent the rest of his life with his mare harem until he died of old age. When everypony came back from Paradise to say goodbye he apologized to use and said he was sorry. Mom and me forgave him. What?" Diamond looked at Pie. "He was crazy, and he never hurt anypony."
"Huh," Pie said. Then her eyes began to widen as a new thought struck her. "Wait, Diamond, your dad was, uh, 'with' all those mares for years. Did he and they ever have any other kids?"
"Mom and Princess Libra told me that he did." Diamond smiled, "Just think! I have tens of thousands of 'cousins' out there among the ponies."
Apple Pie scratched her head.
"... Huh, that may explain where Discord got all those mares for his Island of Amazons."
And many hundreds of miles away, the Amazon Mares Who All Looked Like Shady raised their heads as they twitched their itching ears in confusion -- had someone mentioned them? And why did some of them recall having white-streaked, violet manes instead of the yellow they did now -- and then with a shrug got back to their daily martial arts exercises.